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Lawn Care: How I learned to avoid cutting grass. | Environment

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Lawn Care: How I learned to avoid cutting grass.
Lawn Care:  How I learned to avoid cutting grass.

Winter has shuffled off its mortal coil and nature's white dandruff has melted, but as I sit here looking at my lawn I am finding myself nostalgic for a simpler time... a time when I didn't have to worry about cutting my lawn because it was covered with snow.   You know 1 month ago.  So as I sit here I wonder what are my options.  Do I have to cut my grass?  Besides getting my neighbors upset that I let my grass turn into a rain forest do I have to?  Well a visit to the City of Kentwood went as follows:

ME:  I don't want to cut my grass as I feel nature intended the grass to grow.

KENTWOOD:  "With some exceptions, such as on undeveloped lots, lots must be mowed and may not have growth over six (6) inches in height.  Lots must be landscaped with grass."  

ME:  So... what happens if I don't.

KENTWOOD:  We cut it for you and charge you.  

ME:  Well that doesn't sound too bad.

KENTWOOD:  That's an expensive option.

ME: Ok... how about I just turn my lawn in to a giant Buddhist rock garden where sand is the base.  It will be quite classy.   

KENTWOOD:  Lots cannot substitute gravel, wood chips or other non-vegetative materials for grass.  This does not exclude the allowance for the decorative use of such materials.

ME:  What if I bought a goat to graze and fertilize my lawn.

KENTWOOD:  Sorry no goats.

ME:  Ok ok... I build a 20 foot fence so nobody will know my lawn is unmowed.  It is a win win.  Out of site out of mind.  

KENTWOOD:  Fences are allowed within residential areas provided they are erected in conformance with City regulations.  A permit is required for any fence exceeding 30 inches in height.

ME:  That sounds like a lot of work.  Ok what if plant tall shrubs that circle the lot so you don't see that I haven't cut the grass.  

KENTWOOD:  Trees, shrubs, bushes, weeds and other growth must not obstruct a sidewalk, driveway, street or other public right-of-way.  No vegetation, except for shrubbery less than 30 inches in height, may be placed within a 25' x 25' triangular area near the corner of a corner lot.

ME:  So what your saying is I need to cut my lawn.

KENTWOOD:  Yes....    You know you could hire someone to do it.  

ME:  Fine I will pay the neighbor kid $15 bucks to do it.  

KENTWOOD:  You will be helping the local economy if you do.

ME: Thanks, Goodbye.

So that conversation did not go as planned. They also gave me a website where you too can learn that you have to mow your lawn. Click Here to visit the site.